Journals43
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Frustrated///
2 min read
Can't concentrate on studying for Chemistry.
Can't watch House because I'm too busy not doing Chemistry.
Contradiction.
I'm so irritated with everything.
I can't have peace of mind;
Pieces of my mind are scattered and can't fall back.
like how friendships can't fall back to what they once were,
when ends come to ends.
I'm in that state where you just want to scream everything out
everything that's wrong with my life.
Everything I've worked hard for, and everything I've done,
doesn't' seem worth it.
I am screaming, though
it's sort of like, "if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to here it, does it make a sound?"
Well, sort of.
I shouldn't be screaming, though
I am being too selfish and inconsiderate,
even though everyone is selfish and inconsiderate. Not just me.
People can't deny that. Everyone wants what they want.
Right now I want to blank out my entire mind, all those Memories
can be erased right now, because I don't care about anything
right now.
Frustrated.
Can't watch House because I'm too busy not doing Chemistry.
Contradiction.
I'm so irritated with everything.
I can't have peace of mind;
Pieces of my mind are scattered and can't fall back.
like how friendships can't fall back to what they once were,
when ends come to ends.
I'm in that state where you just want to scream everything out
everything that's wrong with my life.
Everything I've worked hard for, and everything I've done,
doesn't' seem worth it.
I am screaming, though
it's sort of like, "if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to here it, does it make a sound?"
Well, sort of.
I shouldn't be screaming, though
I am being too selfish and inconsiderate,
even though everyone is selfish and inconsiderate. Not just me.
People can't deny that. Everyone wants what they want.
Right now I want to blank out my entire mind, all those Memories
can be erased right now, because I don't care about anything
right now.
Frustrated.
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UPDATE ON LIFE.
3 min read
SOOOOO. I haven't posted on deviantART in forever.
And I feel like updating/ranting about life and I don't feel like doing that on FB
or Tumblr, or Twitter, or whatever,
so I will do it here!
I just graduated high school (WOO 2012).
And I'll be a college freshman in September @ UMB!
I'm kind of excited to initiate a whole new start, and most importantly,
trying to make a name for myself as a "new individual."
Now that I'm going to college, I feel driven to work hard to my fullest extent
and beyond.
I want to be someone that I can be proud of.
Of course I want to make my parents, family, friends, & etc. happy,
and I've always been the one that people could rely on or helped other out,
and of course I'll still be that person.
But now I want to focus on myself, and my future.
I'm majoring in Pre-med Biology and I know I'm going to have to set a lot of things aside
and clear a lot of things in my mind, set my mind straight - a one set train track.
Although, I do have an open mind when those tracks split
and a prepared conscience when an incoming train crashes into my path.
But I'm dedicated to become a successful person,
and hopefully a successful pediatrician.
Besides wondering about my future, I'm trying to have the best summer everrrr!
So far I've been to multiple fun grad parties! I even had one of my own~
There were a lot of people, both friends and family, at my house,
lots of Filipino food, some barbecue, and a HUGE CAKE.
The cake was so big, we had to refrigerate it in my room with my A/C at like 50 degrees.
I had tons of fun with my friends, and had an incredible surprise from one of my closest friends that I hadn't seen in months We played my Just Dance, which I was awful at with my awkward body coordination that doesn't not move to the grove, Mario Kart which I could awesomely handle, and at the end, Soul Calibur 5! One of my other closest friends tried to teach me how to play and it was kind of difficult but I gradually, very gradually, got the hang of it... However, the next time we play I'll probably already have forgotten everything. LOL. Ah.
I would write more, and I will, but I'm getting kind of bored.
Okay bye bye!
And I feel like updating/ranting about life and I don't feel like doing that on FB
or Tumblr, or Twitter, or whatever,
so I will do it here!
I just graduated high school (WOO 2012).
And I'll be a college freshman in September @ UMB!
I'm kind of excited to initiate a whole new start, and most importantly,
trying to make a name for myself as a "new individual."
Now that I'm going to college, I feel driven to work hard to my fullest extent
and beyond.
I want to be someone that I can be proud of.
Of course I want to make my parents, family, friends, & etc. happy,
and I've always been the one that people could rely on or helped other out,
and of course I'll still be that person.
But now I want to focus on myself, and my future.
I'm majoring in Pre-med Biology and I know I'm going to have to set a lot of things aside
and clear a lot of things in my mind, set my mind straight - a one set train track.
Although, I do have an open mind when those tracks split
and a prepared conscience when an incoming train crashes into my path.
But I'm dedicated to become a successful person,
and hopefully a successful pediatrician.
Besides wondering about my future, I'm trying to have the best summer everrrr!
So far I've been to multiple fun grad parties! I even had one of my own~
There were a lot of people, both friends and family, at my house,
lots of Filipino food, some barbecue, and a HUGE CAKE.
The cake was so big, we had to refrigerate it in my room with my A/C at like 50 degrees.
I had tons of fun with my friends, and had an incredible surprise from one of my closest friends that I hadn't seen in months We played my Just Dance, which I was awful at with my awkward body coordination that doesn't not move to the grove, Mario Kart which I could awesomely handle, and at the end, Soul Calibur 5! One of my other closest friends tried to teach me how to play and it was kind of difficult but I gradually, very gradually, got the hang of it... However, the next time we play I'll probably already have forgotten everything. LOL. Ah.
I would write more, and I will, but I'm getting kind of bored.
Okay bye bye!
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Rant about life.
3 min read
I haven't been or done anything on DA for awhile.
But closest thing right now to have an explosion of crap and feelings about life.
Well on a positive note of the year, my life is OKAY, and my friends and family somewhat keep me happy.
It's only somewhat by the way because I've gotten into pointless arguments and those lousy good for nothing tears.
But that's passed me.
School has been stressing me out. Seriously.
I know I'm not the only one out there but still. I know its not even close to being stressful as college or having actual job. It's my junior year in high school though, so it's reasonable.
AP chemistry and AP English is no joke. AP Chemistry is probably the hardest class I'm taking so far; I have a big test tomorrow that I need to ace on, plus I just realized that I have to study for my retake that's on the next day... Yet I'm managing with a B+. Trying to get those straight A's this term. AP English isn't all that bad. I like the whole concept about it but my teacher isn't exactly the best teacher.
She's more of like a guidance counselor for English but that's a different story.
The research paper & powerpoint is stressing me out the most though, and this declaration of independence paper I need to write. Getting a B+ in that class too.
All my other classes are pretty easy, history, childcare, advanced art, pre-calc, & physiology.
I love Physiology by the way! Favorite class then art. Have all A's right now I think?
That's just school life though.
School life is worse but with social life too, it's just even more stress.
I feel like, well I don't really know how I feel about my social life,
It's just undescribable. I feel in and sometimes I feel left out.
But overall it's fine.
I think what bothers me the most about my social life is that I don't feel original.
I feel like no matter how much I work hard in school, how much I try to do something,
I won't be remembered.
For example there's people that will be remembered how smart or pretty or artistic or whatever,
I just want to find out how and what will I be remembered for and who will remember me.
I know everyone is there own, original person, but what they do is part of what makes them different.
Lately I guess what has mostly been on my mind is my future.
I keep hearing questions about college. What college are you going to Aynsley? What are you gonna be? You have to study hard just like aubrey to get a grant and a scholarship. Keep studying harder keep reading.
Be like your sister.
My extended family kept asking me those questions. I don't mind but hearing it all the time isn't doing much for me. Yes you don't have to remind me about how smart my sister is. She's my sister. There's two plaques on the wall of her college diploma and how she was magna cum laude. I do look up to my sister really, but I don't like being compared to her.
I would rant more but I rather keep studying right now.
Keep studying, keep working, don't stop living.
Life is hard.
But closest thing right now to have an explosion of crap and feelings about life.
Well on a positive note of the year, my life is OKAY, and my friends and family somewhat keep me happy.
It's only somewhat by the way because I've gotten into pointless arguments and those lousy good for nothing tears.
But that's passed me.
School has been stressing me out. Seriously.
I know I'm not the only one out there but still. I know its not even close to being stressful as college or having actual job. It's my junior year in high school though, so it's reasonable.
AP chemistry and AP English is no joke. AP Chemistry is probably the hardest class I'm taking so far; I have a big test tomorrow that I need to ace on, plus I just realized that I have to study for my retake that's on the next day... Yet I'm managing with a B+. Trying to get those straight A's this term. AP English isn't all that bad. I like the whole concept about it but my teacher isn't exactly the best teacher.
She's more of like a guidance counselor for English but that's a different story.
The research paper & powerpoint is stressing me out the most though, and this declaration of independence paper I need to write. Getting a B+ in that class too.
All my other classes are pretty easy, history, childcare, advanced art, pre-calc, & physiology.
I love Physiology by the way! Favorite class then art. Have all A's right now I think?
That's just school life though.
School life is worse but with social life too, it's just even more stress.
I feel like, well I don't really know how I feel about my social life,
It's just undescribable. I feel in and sometimes I feel left out.
But overall it's fine.
I think what bothers me the most about my social life is that I don't feel original.
I feel like no matter how much I work hard in school, how much I try to do something,
I won't be remembered.
For example there's people that will be remembered how smart or pretty or artistic or whatever,
I just want to find out how and what will I be remembered for and who will remember me.
I know everyone is there own, original person, but what they do is part of what makes them different.
Lately I guess what has mostly been on my mind is my future.
I keep hearing questions about college. What college are you going to Aynsley? What are you gonna be? You have to study hard just like aubrey to get a grant and a scholarship. Keep studying harder keep reading.
Be like your sister.
My extended family kept asking me those questions. I don't mind but hearing it all the time isn't doing much for me. Yes you don't have to remind me about how smart my sister is. She's my sister. There's two plaques on the wall of her college diploma and how she was magna cum laude. I do look up to my sister really, but I don't like being compared to her.
I would rant more but I rather keep studying right now.
Keep studying, keep working, don't stop living.
Life is hard.
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Summer is Ending
1 min read
Haven't updated in a whileee ~
So I'm kinda procrastinating right now with work ):
I have lots of AP work to finish !
BUT I WILL FINISH BEFORE NEXT SATURDAY. MUST MUST. MUST.
I'm taking AP engliish & chemistry by the way!
Almost done with English NOT NEARLY DONE in chem.
I'll be doing it after this though
My summer has been consisting of eating, sleeping, movies, sleeping, tennis,
drawing ofcourse, AP work/procrastnation, and hanging out with some cool special people
There's only about 2-3weeks left of summer and I'm pretty sad/happy about it
Sad cause no more sleeping all day and relaxing, happy to see friends again
and start some serious educational business. Ahh junior year.
OKAY! Must do work. and post a drawing really quick (:
The EnD.
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